


quietly

by ezramiller (orphan_account)



Category: My Own Private Idaho (1991)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Fluff, Implied Jealousy, M/M, Pre-Movie(s), Prostitution, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2018-11-30 04:16:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11455806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ezramiller
Summary: "I love you," Mike tells the ceiling.





	1. Chapter 1

There's a date with a woman who wears pearls and pays him $500 just to brush her hair and tell her he loves her.

She hands him $520 and says, "I'm sorry."

He only smiles. "You're the first one to say that."

-

When he gets back, everyone is in their rooms. The big grand chair in the middle of the place is empty, which means Bob is out.

He goes up the stairs slow as can be, cause he has manners and he doesn't want to wake anyone up. He comes to the door down the hall and opens it very slowly. It still creaks loud as anything. The noise makes him wince.

Scott is still awake, sitting in the chair in the corner, reading a very battered book he stole from a library two weeks ago. 

"Hi honey, I'm home," says Mike in an exaggerated deep voice.

Scott grins at him. His teeth glimmer in the dim lamplight. Jane must've paid the electricity. "Hey Mikey."

"Where's Bobert?" Mikey starts pulling off his jacket and jeans, digging around in the drawers for a pair of pajama pants.

"Out seducing young boys, I think," says Scott, turning a page in his book. "What would you be doing if you were Bob Pigeon?"

"Drinking myself to death," replies Mike, just to hear Scott laugh. Truthfully, if he were someone else, even Bob Pigeon, he'd love himself a lot more. Well, maybe just a lot. There isn't any "more" because he hates himself.

He swings the curtain aside, watching people walk by under the street lamps, their faces illuminated blue and yellow and red by the glowing shop signs. None of them fuck people for money. None of them worry about money. Or perhaps they do. Perhaps young college students with rich parents worry just like him. 

"Close the curtain," says Scott. "Why don't you get some sleep."

"All I do is get some sleep."

Scott dog-ears the page in his book and sets it on the rickety nightstand where the lamp is. The room is small enough that the nightstand is close enough to the bed and the chair that nothing is ever an issue. Well, at least not with the room. "Come on Mike. Come to bed with me."

Scott's already in pajama pants, ones printed with Betty Boop's face, and a t-shirt of Mike's he got from a client that owned a chain of restaurants. ALL YOU CAN EAT, the shirt screams in bold red, HAROLD'S PLACE.

Harold's Place has since shut down, due to cockroaches. Looks like Harold wasn't the only one there. 

Mike takes the side next to the wall cause Scott always gets up before he does. He hums when Scott puts his arm around him. Falling asleep this way is different from the episodes he has. It's not as fast, not as scary, and a lot quieter.

-

"Jesus, dude," says Gary.

"That's not my name," says Mike, taking a bite of his waffle. Sometimes he just likes being an asshole. He doesn't know why.

"Shut up. Why are you so hungry. That's your fifth waffle."

"They're tiny freezer ones."

Gary shakes his head. "Whatever, man. I got paid good last night by this guy who wanted me to lick his shoes. Lick his shoes, man! So I'm going grocery shopping."

That doesn't even compare to some of the dates Mike's been on.

"Get some peanut butter," says Mike. "Actually, you know what? I'll come with you."

-

The store is always too bright and too crowded. It's a Sunday morning though, so hardly anyone is here cause they're all at church singing their little songs. Mike remembers his mom used to love church. 

He puts a jar of peanut butter, a new thing of freezer waffles, and a container of dried peach slices in the cart. He ignores Gary's weird look in favor of throwing a thing of tissues in the cart.

-

The mini fridge sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. Everyone shares it and there's about twenty of them, so it's kind of a hassle. The freezer on the other hand, is huge. They put everything in there, waffles, milk, bread. Mike never even heard of putting bread in the freezer until he moved here.

He puts the dried peach slices and the jar of peanut butter in the drawer where he and Scott keep their shirts and money. He puts Scott's book in there to join the others. He's got _Hamlet_ and _Catcher in the Rye_ and _Linda Goodman's Sun Signs_. There's a scratched up DVD of a movie Scott likes and a pack of smokes. There's a page of stickers Bob gave to Scott. 

He closes the drawer and pulls on his jacket, running down the steps and jumping the last three. He joins Digger and Eddie on the street corner. 

A man in a fancy suit picks him up. His cheeks are flushed and he says, "I just left my bride at the alter."

Mike shrugs. "Alright."

-

The man fucks him and gives him all his pocket money, which is about sixty bucks. Mike kisses him on the cheek and leaves. 

-

Dates, clients, whatever, they always pick Mike out of all the boys standing on street corners. 

Sometimes they call him pretty, says he makes pretty noises, says he has pretty hair, pretty eyes. He figures it must be the truth. Why would any of these people lie to him about silly things like that?

One date, a woman with shocking red hair, says his cock is pretty. He laughs, eats her out. She's one of the vanilla ones, but she's still weird. 

-

Scott strokes a hand through Mike's hair. "You ever think about saving up all that money and buying nice clothes and getting a job?"

Mike traces the muscles in Scott's stomach. He dips his finger into his belly button, pressing until Scott swats at him. "I didn't finish high school. Who'd hire me?"

"I would, Mikey." 

Mike presses his cold nose to Scott's neck just to feel him shiver. "Thanks."

-

Scott feeds Mike ramen on days where he wants to feel wanted, needed. 

"You're dumb," says Mike. "I always want you, mother hen."

Scott swipes broth off Mike's chin and Mike licks it off his fingers for him. "I just feel weird today, I guess."

"Yeah I can tell."

Scott gives him a look. "You know I'll always take care of you, right?"

Mike yawns. It cracks his jaw and Scott winces. He hates that sound. "Yeah Scotty. Sure."

-

He sucks a client off while the client kisses his wife. He can hear her whispering to her husband, "You like it when he sucks your dick?" He gets paid $40 and he spends it on coke and plastic spoons to eat the peanut butter with. 

"You do too many drugs," says Gary. 

"They keep me awake," says Mike. 

Scott pinches the nape of his neck. "Or you could just sleep, asshole."

If Mike slept all that he wanted to, he'd never have any dates or money or peanut butter.

-

Bob smiles with all his yellow teeth and pulls Mike onto his lap. Mike lets him cause he just woke up from an episode and is too disoriented to do anything but breathe. 

"Mikey, my boy," says Bob. "Looking beautiful as ever."

Mike's head lolls over onto Bob's shoulder. "Thanks Bob."

Digger snickers. "Beautiful as ever, Mike." A few other boys laugh. He doesn't know who's all in the room. He can't bring himself to open his eyes. 

He's daydreaming about a lavender bath while Bob strokes his thigh when there's the bang of the door and Scott's voice, "Bob! What have you got in your lap?"

"A pretty boy," says Bob. "He's mine for tonight."

Mike doesn't ever remember agreeing to that, but Bob gives him skittles when he sucks his cock, so he doesn't say anything. 

"Oh, is he?" Scott's tone is joking but Mike knows better. "Cause I'm pretty sure Mike is mine _every_ night."

A few of the boys laugh, some _ooh._ It's all very funny. Mike hides his smile in Bob's shoulder. 

"Can't you learn to share?" Bob's stomach moves with every word.

"I'm afraid not. He's the light in my eyes, the fire in my loins, the love in my heart. Surely you understand?"

Always so dramatic.

Bob sighs. "Guess I'll have to find someone half as pretty."

Scott hoists Mike up, pulling him off Bob's lap. "You okay, Mikey?" Scott whispers in his ear, breath tickling the skin.

"Mhm. Take me to bed." 

Scott hoists him up in his arms, ignoring everyone's cheering, and walks forcefully out of the room. 

When Mike wakes up again, he's alone and there's a package of skittles by his head. 

-

"You knows he's in love with you," Mike says.

Scott shrugs. "Too bad."

"He only wants me for my body" says Mike, sighing.

Scott grins. "Bob wants everyone for their body."

Mike rolls over onto his stomach. "I like to think my personality is sparkling."

"Oh, and it is." Scott wraps an arm around Mike. "Bob doesn't deserve you."

"He doesn't deserve you either."

"Mm. I know." 

-

"What do you like to do in your spare time?"

Scott gave a snooty rich person laugh. "Ruin people's lives." 

Gary looked down at the magazine quiz. "That's not an option."

Scott did one of those laughs he liked to do, the loud exaggerated ones like in old films about Shakespeare. "It's always an option."

-

Bob leaves town again, tucking twenty bucks in Scott's pocket and pulls him in for a kiss. "See you in a few months, Scotty boy." He winks at Mike over Scott's shoulder and off he goes, into the cool morning air. "I'll miss you both dearly," he calls over his shoulder. Mike isn't fooled. 

"What a jackass," says Scott. "So dramatic."

Mike rolls his eyes. "Like you."

Scott gives a fake gasp, his hand flying to his chest. "Take that back, Michael," he demands in a high, breathy voice. 

Mike laughs. "Don't get all riled up now, Miss Favor."

For that, Scott smacks him in the side, hard, but his palm moves over it, soothing.

-

Mike spends a rainy day with a lady who's also a drag performer. "Call me Sheila," she says. "That's my name."

Sheila has a penis and breasts with scars under them. She's startlingly beautiful, with strong shoulders and bright blue eyes. "Okay," he says.

"Do you like makeup?" She asks. 

"Sure," Mike replies.

He goes back home with cash in his pocket and blue eyeshadow smeared across his eyelids. 

Scott swipes some lipstick off his mouth and licks it. "She likes the expensive stuff."

Mike doesn't need to know why Scott knows what expensive lipstick tastes like. "She was real classy."

"I bet," Scott intones with a grin, picking up Mike's hand to look at the coat of what Sheila called "Poison Apple Red" on his nails. Scott looks at Mike then. "This color really suits you."

"Shut up," says Mike. 

-

Richard sends him a birthday card every year. _Happy birthday little bro, you're finally the legal drinking age._

Maybe Richard doesn't know that Mike's been drinking since he was sixteen, but he puts the card in his shirt drawer and goes back to lay down with Scott, who continues stroking his back. 

-

He's got a client named Annemarie who doesn't freak out when he has an episode. 

"My brother has narcolepsy too," she says. 

Mike has no idea what that word means, but he refuses payment until she finally tells him to go shove it up his ass and puts the money in his jacket pocket. He kisses the corner of her mouth and apologizes and leaves. 

-

"Narcolepsy," says Scott.

"Narcolepsy?" says Gary.

"Narcolepsy," says Digger thoughtfully. 

"Narcolepsy," says Mike. "Oh well."

-

Mike's kind of a crybaby. "Kinda," he says to himself. "More than kinda."

"What's that?" Scott turns a page in his book. 

"I cry a lot."

Scott shrugs. Mike watches the sun filter through his dark hair, casting a shadow on his cheekbone. "Does it bother you?"

"Does it bother _you?_ "

Scott looks at Mike. He stares for a moment before he grins slowly. "Of course not. You're pretty when you cry."

"Shut up," Mike says. He feels a little sick. 

-

Scott's dad calls. Mike knows cause Jane doesn't like them using the phone unless it's for emergencies and Scott is sort of yelling. 

"What's he yelling about?" Asks Gary. 

"I think he's on the phone with his dad. Got any sevens?"

Gary groans and hands over his seven. "You're good at this game. Do you have any threes?"

"Go Fish," says Mike, grinning when Gary throws his cards down and sighs. 

"Whatever dude," he says. "At least I don't have to deal with an angry boyfriend later."

"He's not my boyfriend," Mike says. His stomach jumps. "And he won't be angry with me."

"You've got him wrapped around your finger, dude." Gary gathers up all the cards and begins to shuffle them. "Maybe he's not gay, but he's your boyfriend."

Mike doesn't say anything.

When Scott comes back up, he's got a smile plastered on. It's the fakest thing Mike's ever seen. 

"Hey, guys," he says, sitting in the extra dining room chair. None of the chairs match. "What are we playing?"

"Strip poker," Gary says, winking at Mike. Mike kicks him under the table.

"Okay," says Scott slowly, raising an eyebrow.

Mike and Scott team up on Gary, who ends up in nothing but his boxers and one sock.

-

"I'm in love with you," Mike says to the ceiling. The ceiling doesn't say anything back.

It's very late at night and Scott's on a date. Scott is having sex right now and Mike's in love with him.

"Fuck," says Mike. "What the fuck."

-

Scott presses a peanut to Mike's bottom lip. "Protein," he says in a strange voice.

Mike takes the peanut into his mouth. "You're a funny guy, Scotty."

Scott dips a peanut in the peanut butter and eats it, cause he's a heathen. "Tell me more, baby."

"I hate you, shut up."

Scott leans over and dabs a spot of peanut butter on Mike's nose. "Oops."

Mike licks Scott's chin to see his nose scrunch up. "Oops."

-

They're sitting in the Chinese restaurant. Scott's wearing a sweatshirt that has WASHINGTON STATE on it in huge letters. His right arm is resting on the back of the booth. 

"I hear Bob's coming back to town," says Scott.

Mike sighs. "Maybe he'll make good on that offer."

Scott pinches the back of Mike's neck. "So won't you please, be my baby," Scott sings. "So won't you please eat your soup, baby." He starts humming, smiling in a self satisfied way when Mike slurps up a spoonful of wanton soup. 

"Shut up," he says. Scott reaches over with his left hand to wipe soup off his top lip and let Mike lick it off his fingers. 

"You wouldn't really give Bob head for free, would you?" Asks Scott. His body is tense where it's pressing against Mike. 

Mike shrugs. "It's not for free, it's for skittles."

Scott pinches him again, this time under his jaw. Mike swats him away. "Don't be a smartass."

 _You're always a smartass,_ Mike doesn't say. _But I love you anyway._

Instead he says, "Are you scared that I'll think Bob's cock tastes better than yours?"

Scott relaxes. "Of course. A little healthy jealousy never hurt anyone."

"Jealousy," Mike snorts. "Sure, whatever." He finishes his soup. 

-

They're sitting in this same Chinese restaurant a month later the day after he has an episode in a rich lady's house. 

-

Mike wakes up under a makeshift tent on the roof. Everyone's yelling. He goes over to the roof and sees Bob and a man walking. He keeps silent.

-

"I'll have to go see my father," says Scott, moving his fingers through Mike's hair. "I can't believe they walked in on us."

Mike's too tired to roll his eyes. "They didn't actually believe we were having sex."

"But we were _so_ convincing."

Mike sighs. He falls asleep to Scott's hand in his hair and when he wakes up, Scott's hand is there again. He smells like cold air and he's only wearing a jacket. Mike brings a hand up to stroke his bare chest. "I can't believe you didn't wear a shirt."

"Shock and awe." Mike can hear the smile in Scott's voice. "Come on Mikey, lets go get some wanton soup."


	2. Chapter 2

**1989**

When Mike is nineteen, he's not in love. He lays in the coveted bed he shares with Scott on the third floor, listening through the thin walls to the sound of the other boys playing games and laughing and fucking. 

When Scott comes back from a date, he's wearing a leather jacket and he smells like cold air. He climbs into the bed, jacket and boots and all, pulling Mike to him with a hand on his back, freezing through Mike's shirt. 

He shivers. "What's the big idea?"

Scott grins down at him. "You're too cute."

"Shuddup," Mike grumbles, burying his face in Scott's shoulder. "'M gonna fall 'sleep."

Scott rubs his hand up and down Mike's back, looking at him through half-lidded eyes. "Okay Mikey."

When Mike wakes up, Scott isn't there anymore, but the space where he was is still warm.

-

He meets Gary on a Tuesday. They stand on the same street corner and when Gary says he needs a place to live, Mike says there's room. 

-

Bob Pigeon takes a look at Gary and says, "Of course he can stay."

Gary makes a face after Bob is gone and says, "Is he a pimp?"

Scott laughs. "That's my husband."

Some of the girls laugh in the corner. Gary looks confused but he doesn't say anything more about it. 

-

The Chinese restaurant is open until two am on Saturdays, so Saturday is their ritual. 

Scott's got his arm resting on the back of the booth, leaning his body toward Mike. "Eat your soup."

Mike makes a face and slurps up a noodle just to see Scott twist up his mouth. 

Gary and Digger aren't here yet, so it's just the two of them. Mike isn't sure if he likes this better or not. 

Scott pinches the back of Mike's neck. "I spent my hard earned money on that soup."

Mike sighs and lays his head on the table, pressing his nose to the bowl so it'll warm up. "Just give me a moment."

Scott softens just a small amount but it disappears when Gary and Digger come in, both of them loud and boisterous enough that another customer glares at them in the middle of feeding her kid some rice. 

"Mikey," says Gary. "Why so blue?"

Digger snickers. Scott flicks him in the arm and says, "Shut up, he's tired."

"You wear him out last night, Favor?"

Mike peeks at Scott from the corner of his eye to see Scott glaring. 

Gary swats at Digger. "Come on, shut up. Scott's not gay."

Mike closes his eyes. 

-

There's one television in the whole place and they all share it, all thirty of them. It's around four in the morning though, so Mike has it all to himself. He watches cartoons and MTV and the news. He's got it turned down real low so no one wakes up, so he sits close. His eyes are burning by the time he goes to bed. He climbs over Scott to his side of the bed, curling into a ball, sighing when Scott wraps his arms around him. 

-

Mike goes on a date with a woman who cries at the end. He knows how it feels. 

**1991**

But then he falls in love with Scott.

**Author's Note:**

> probably so many typos


End file.
